Principles for Fathers

Dr. Ron Sumners

June 20, 2010

Psalm 128:1-6

You are born either male or female, but it takes maturity to become a man. Somebody has well said, “You are young only once, but immaturity can last forever.” Real men are in short supply. Real men say, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” The Bible presents real men, men of character and value. Not perfect men, but real men who are grounded in the Lord.

Someone was visiting a small village, and they said to a life-long resident of the village, “Have you had any famous men born here?” The person said, “No, only babies.” Great men are not born great; great men are made. It is a process!

When you buy a refrigerator, you get a book of instructions that tells you how to operate the refrigerator. If you buy a DVD player, you get a manual that tells you how to operate the DVD player. If you want to know what a real man is and how to become one, then you need to look to the one who made men. You are not going to learn how to be a real man from TV, movies, or video games. The way to become a real man is by looking into the manual, God’s Word. You won’t find out about being a real man and father by following the example of Brad Pitt or Tiger Woods. Psalm 128 has much to say about how a real man is made.

Men and women differ in every cell of their bodies. The difference in the chromosome combination is the basic reason that we develop as male or female. Women outlive men by an average of three to four years. Women’s blood contains more water and 20% fewer red blood cells. Since these supply oxygen to the cells, women generally tire more easily than men. I don’t have to tell any husband here that women think differently than men. I am sure that any man here could give testimony to that fact!

I find three principles in the 128th Psalm that speak to men.

The first thing is that A REAL MAN HAS A FAITHFUL WALK.

Psalm 128:1 says, “Blessed is every one that feareth the Lord.” Being blessed changes our perception of happiness. We all know people who are killing themselves to get ahead in life, to find happiness. They never find it because they are looking in all the wrong places.

There is a Jewish saying, “We see life, not as it is, but as we are!” Happiness and fulfillment are a matter of perception. We only see clearly when we see things from God’s perspective. When we look with spiritual eyes we see what is really important in life.

True happiness does not come from external influences. Happiness is something that comes from within us through our relationship with Jesus Christ. It is not a matter of luck; there are no tricks involved. We allow Jesus to take control of our lives and we become content with what we have. Our relationship with the Lord becomes the basis of our life and our joy is based on what Jesus has done and is doing in our life.

What does it mean to “fear the Lord?” The correct understanding of the fear of the Lord is far more than being afraid of God. It is due respect to God. We reverence Him. We take Him seriously. We recognize that He is holy. Therefore, He must be at the center of everything we are, think, and aspire to do. He must be our starting point for every endeavor. Paul tells us in Colossians 1:18, “in all things Christ should have preeminence.” That means that Christ is primary – first!

If we reverence God, we will not make plans then pray as an afterthought; we will begin with God.

The next step is to “walk in His ways.” We need to travel God’s way by thinking and behaving biblically. Happiness is the by-product of a life that is lived in the will of God. Obedience to God is the natural outcome of regarding God with reverence and respect. The backbone of reverencing God and personal happiness is obedience.

Our beliefs determine our behavior. To think secularly is to operate within a frame of reference restricted by the limits of our world. Is your thinking earth-bound or heavenly-minded? To think as a Christian is to regard all things as related to God’s purpose. We can expect blessings when we live with a constant awareness that we belong to God.

When we walk with God, we can expect Him to bless our work. We may not perceive the blessing and we may wonder how God is working at times, but we trust His plan to produce the intended results. I believe that God calls us to our vocations in life. He opens and closes doors of opportunity, and helps us to succeed in our goals. Some of us have stressful jobs; God can help us rise above the circumstances and face the workday with strength from beyond ourselves.

We need to keep in mind that in the Christian perspective, prosperity and success aren’t measured by the standards of the world. In our striving for success, we may achieve our goal and then live to regret it! In whatever we do, without God, we will either fail miserably or succeed miserably! Happiness comes from doing things God’s way.

The Psalmist is talking about a man who is a worshipping father. He is talking about a man who is happy because he knows how to walk with God.

A real man will RECEIVE PERSONAL BLESSING.

Psalm 128:2 says, “For thou shalt eat the labor of thine hands; happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee.”

It is God’s plan that the father be the provider for his family. God has given the man a primary responsibility to be the emotional provider, the provider of security, the provider of the welfare and peace of the home.

If you think you can just give your kids things and that you’ve met your obligation as a father, then you are sadly wrong. If you think that providing for your family is putting your wife in a beautiful house, you’re wrong. When the Bible says that you are to be a provider, it means far more than just material things. It is talking about the spiritual things of life as well. We need to be careful men. Our church may be in trouble because we have men who have been wonderful financial providers, but lacking in being spiritual providers.

The Psalmist tells us that if we are the true providers for our home we will be happy and it will be well with us. You will have security in Christ. 

Once we have our relationship with Christ in order, we will have the ability to strengthen our relationship with our wife. Many men want their wife to submit to them, but have never proven to be the spiritual leader and provider in the home. Why should she submit to you? You might say, “A wife submitting to her husband is in the Bible! Yes, it is, and in the same passage husbands are admonished to treat their wife like Christ treats the church – He died for it!”

Your greatest work is not building a business. My greatest work is not building a church. My greatest work is not preaching sermons. When I am remembered by my children some day in the future, I don’t think they will remember me for the sermons I have preached or for the church I helped build. I want to be remembered as a dad who loved God and loved my family and lived the values I professed in front of them every day. The Bible says, “You fathers, provoke not your children to wrath; but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4)

Josh McDowell said, “Rules without relationship bring rebellion.” You can’t grow children who will love God by setting up the rules for them and coming home once in a while and enforcing the rules. If you just have rules, you will provoke your children; you will exasperate your children; you will frustrate your children. 

We have trained our children in our values. They expect the new car, they expect the designer clothes; they expect the best of everything. And we have taught them that it is our job to supply those things. We have taught them well. They no longer desire the relationship from us. All they want is what we can provide materially. Some of us may need to start all over again to develop a true relationship with our children.

A third principle is that THE NATION WILL BE BLESSED.

The Psalmist says, “The Lord shall bless thee out of Zion; and thou shalt see the good of Jerusalem all the days of thy life. Yea, thou shalt see thy children’s children, and peace upon Israel.”

The blessing extends from the family to the nation. We can look at our country today, and we understand what God means in His Word: “As the father goes, so goes the home. As the home goes, so goes the nation.” If we want this nation to turn back to God, fathers have to turn back to God!

Joshua stood before all of Israel, that mighty general, that man who had led them to victory after victory, and he gave them a great challenge, “Choose you this day whom you will serve!” When men across the nation rise up and say from their hearts, “As for me and my house we will serve the Lord,” and begin to be faithful to the Lord and fruitful fathers, then our nation will turn back to God.

Why is this role of fathers so important? The father is the spiritual leader of the home. Jesus taught us to pray, “Our Father, who art in heaven.” When I pray that prayer, my frame of reference is my earthly father. Men and fathers, what kind of God do your children perceive, if you are the model of “father?” 

Men, if you are to be the spiritual leader in your home, you must be the spiritual example in your home! The spirituality of your home is primarily your responsibility. You are to be a living example of the love of Christ in your home. God has given you that role.

One of the chief characteristics of God is faithfulness. God is always consistent; God is always faithful; God always loves; He is always kind; God is always present; he is always there! We fathers are to be the pattern for our families that represents the faithfulness of Almighty God.

I want to submit to you that one of the problems in the world is faithless fathers and therefore failing fathers. Today, we see more and more children with symptoms of stress, headaches, stomach aches, low moods, depression, learning problems. As they get older, many of them feel they have missed out on an important part of their life. They feel used and abused; they feel that no one has cared for them. Therefore, they are not able to care for themselves or anyone else. It can often be traced back to the fact that they either had no father at all, or they had an absentee father in their home.

Fathers and husbands need to learn faithfulness. Stand by your promises! Never give up. When marriage isn’t fun, stay with it. When parenting is over your head, stay with it. When work is crushing your spirit, don’t let it beat you. When the church is overwhelmed with pettiness, stay faithful, stand by it. When your children let you down, pick them up. Be a real man! Be faithful!

Understand that the heart of staying power is sacrifice, giving one’s self up for the good of another. For the ultimate example of staying power, look to Jesus Christ. That’s what it means when the Bible says, “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it.”

Jesus could have given up when they cursed Him; He could have given up when they drove the spikes in His hands and feet. But He continued to love us; He continued to care for us; He continued to give Himself.

The Bible tells us that if we want to be a faithful father and have a faithful walk with God; then we must keep our promises, no matter what, to God and our family. Children are looking to dad for consistency and faithfulness.

The Bible gives this order: “The head of every man is Jesus Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:3). So, first of all, we as fathers must be sure that the head of our life is Jesus Christ.

What a tremendous responsibility we have as fathers! As we are faithful to God we will be blessed and the nation will be blessed!